Pitchforks Down, or Don't Sack Me Because We're Friends

Everything we need to know about getting along in life, we can learn from eight-year-old boys.

Last week, I waited outside the classroom in the unseasonably pleasant sunshine, waiting, waiting, parents bustling by, kids rambling to tired caregivers about the day and what the popsicle sticks and macaroni mean in their Dadaist masterpieces haphazardly glued onto faded, years-old construction paper. Breeze: light. Birds: chirping. Air: sweet.

And then my youngest child, the curly-haired lad, emerges from his classroom, eyes swollen and red, freckles blazing against cheeks tearstained and blotchy. Uh-oh.

On the subsequent walk home, I get the story: Kendon and his buddy, who we'll call Huck (because I just realized I should read Huck Finn to the kids this summer), well, they had a little scrap that started something like this. I shall paraphrase:

First, I smacked his tummy. But not hard. We were just waiting in line, and I smacked him like this. [Kendon pats my belly to show me how "gentle" he was.] Then he got mad and he sacked me. In the testicles. Like this. [Demonstrates on himself, only not really.] Then I smacked him back on the belly because it hurt my penis when he hit me, and then he punched me, like, five times in the gut and in the wiener. I got really mad and pushed him back, but the teacher saw us and pulled us aside.

My sweet boy got into his first schoolyard scuffle. In the middle of drama class (talk about timing!). And he handled it like a gentleman. By the sounds of it, both he and Huck showed that they're good men-in-training, through and through, despite the physical violence. Upon questioning their teacher the following day, she relates a conversation -- heard secondhand from the drama teacher present at the time of the smackdown -- that went something like this (I shall take creative license in the hope of maintaining your attention):

Teacher: Boys, what happened here?
Kendon: We got into a fight.
Teacher: Who hit first?
Kendon: I did. [Kendon starts crying.]
Teacher: Are you both okay?
Kendon / Huck: Yes. / Mm-hmm. / My penis hurts. / We're okay.
Teacher: [More uninteresting questions. Kendon cries harder.]

(Here comes the best part:)

Huck: Excuse me, but you're making my friend sad. Could you stop asking him questions because I don't like it when my friends are sad.

Even though these two little buggers were knocking the shit out of each other's parts, they stopped long enough to be sensitive to the fact that under it all, they're still friends.

If only the grown-ups would remember that just because you sack someone in the testes, it doesn't mean you can't share your Jell-O cup five minutes later. Because who doesn't like Jell-O????

Stop bitching at each other. Stop fighting. None of this matters in the bigger picture. THIS MEANS YOU. Yeah! I said it! You don't matter! None of us really do, unless we're curing cancer or digging wells for dying villages or figuring out a way to stop the sea levels from wiping out our cities. You do realize in the cosmic stuff that is us, our human lives account for an invisible fraction of the world's story?

Be authentic.
Don't be a douche.
Behave yourself.
Stop pointing fingers.
Put your pitchfork away. Pitchforks are best used for stabbing hay (and zombies), so if you don't have a farm (or zombies), you don't need the pitchfork.

Or just watch this:

(If this video won't play, it's at YouTube here and Vimeo here.)

As these eight-year-old boys have demonstrated so aptly, we don't sweat the petty stuff, we pet the sweaty stuff.

Xs and Os, my lovelies ...

Emma Coats and Her Pixar Story Laws

Emma Coats is a former story artist at Pixar. Yes, that Pixar who brings us fantastically written, universally relatable stories like Up, Toy Story 1, 2, and 3, WALL-E, The Incredibles, Finding Nemo, Ratatouille, et cetera. Awesome stories. Great characters. Total Kleenex soakers (as in tears, guys. MINDS OUT OF GUTTER).

WALL-E. At its core, it is a love story. And my favorite ever.

In 2011 Coats tweeted a series of basics that every story needs to appeal to its audience.  (This has made its rounds, but I feel it's appropriate to bring it back into circulation.) The foundation of a film is, of course, its screenplay, a collection of words far sparser than what is found in a novel but packed with a punch just as powerful. The vehicle may be different, but the goal is the same: compel the reader/viewer to read/view the next scene and on and on until the credits roll/last page is turned. Engage them. Suck them in like you have tenterhooks embedded in their eyeballs. Never let go. Take them to the end and then drop them in a pillow of awesome they will never forget. Make them want a cigarette after watching/reading your story. Breathless, pacing the room to try to understand the greatness he/she has just witnessed.

Here's a head start. Thanks to Emma Coats for sharing her brain cells with the Interwebz. (The Lego images included are by Alex Eylar of ICanLegoThat.)

******

#1: You admire a character for trying more than for their successes.

#2: You gotta keep in mind what’s interesting to you as an audience, not what’s fun to do as a writer. They can be very different.

#3: Trying for theme is important, but you won’t see what the story is actually about till you’re at the end of it. Now rewrite.

#4: Once upon a time there was ___. Every day, ___. One day ___. Because of that, ___. Because of that, ___. Until finally ___.

#5: Simplify. Focus. Combine characters. Hop over detours. You’ll feel like you’re losing valuable stuff but it sets you free.

#6: What is your character good at, comfortable with? Throw the polar opposite at them. Challenge them. How do they deal?

#7: Come up with your ending before you figure out your middle. Seriously. Endings are hard; get yours working up front.

#8:

Image by Alex Eylar

#9: When you’re stuck, make a list of what WOULDN’T happen next. Lots of times the material to get you unstuck will show up.

#10: Pull apart the stories you like. What you like in them is a part of you; you’ve got to recognize it before you can use it.

#11: Putting it on paper lets you start fixing it. If it stays in your head, a perfect idea, you’ll never share it with anyone.

#12: Discount the 1st thing that comes to mind. And the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th – get the obvious out of the way. Surprise yourself.

#13: 

Give your characters opinions. Passive/malleable might seem likable to you as you write, but it’s poison to the audience.

#14: Why must you tell THIS story? What’s the belief burning within you that your story feeds off of? That’s the heart of it.

#15: If you were your character, in this situation, how would you feel? Honesty lends credibility to unbelievable situations.

#16: What are the stakes? Give us reason to root for the character. What happens if they don’t succeed? Stack the odds against.

#17: 

No work is ever wasted. If it’s not working, let go and move on - it’ll come back around to be useful later.

#18: You have to know yourself: the difference between doing your best & fussing. Story is testing, not refining.

#19: 

Image by Alex Eylar

#20: Exercise: take the building blocks of a movie [book] you dislike. How do you rearrange them into what you DO like?

#21: You gotta identify with your situation/characters. Can’t just write "cool." What would make YOU act that way?

#22: 

What’s the essence of your story? Most economical telling of it? If you know that, you can build out from there.

******

Use these as a checklist when you're writing. When you think you're done with a story, go through these questions one at a time and ask yourself -- answering honestly and candidly -- if your story hits these beats. Ask the tough questions. Stop sending half-baked work into the world and then whining about your rejection rate on Twitter. YES, I can say this because I am one of those people. After 23 rejections, I rewrote the whole book. And then I rewrote it again. And again. Finally, I think our relationship is solid enough that we can start tasting wedding cakes, but only because we did the work. An assload of work. It ain't enough to shit 'n shine, folks. 

Best of luck. Remember, make 'em feel something. Go to it.

Find Emma: 

Twitter

Website

Xs and Os, my lovelies ...

Random: Without Method or Conscious Decision. I Give You ... Wednesday

Ready for random?

Good. Let's get to it.

It comes around to my attention that I am due for a blog post. Thank you, gods of guilt, for reminding me that I am witless of word, the dawdler of diatribe, the procrastinator of peroration. Honestly, though ... what is there to say.

I get up.

I get the kids up.

Chocolate Cheerios in my bowl. I eat them, before the kitten does.

Sometimes I shower. Pull on the jeans that don't grab at my girl parts.

And then I don my devil horns and begin anew with bathing other people's manuscripts in red ink.

In the kitten's defense, this DOES look like cat food.

SO. MUCH. EXCITEMENT.

Although the sun has graced us these few odd days with its presence, which MEANS ... I walked. As in ... WAIT FOR IT ... EXERCISE. (I finished the latest draft of my book three weeks ago; as a treat, I bought myself new walking shoes. Reeboks. Pink and gray ones. Because my ass is too big, and  my DNA structure has mutated to where I am now part hippo, part sloth. No bueno.) I take my body OUT of doors, to a track, wherein I proceed to sweat alongside a wordsmithy friend while we discuss the Very Important Aspects of Life, including whether Britney Spears should be pitied because she is bipolar and her skanky family just wants her money, and whether Reese Witherspoon will recover from her recent disorderly conduct arrest by going on Saturday Night Live, where she will make fun of herself (UPDATE: she canceled appearances on Fallon and GMA post-arrest -- me thinks SNL might be a little much), or whether Justin Timberlake really is that charismatic in person (my friend votes no, but that boy can do some comedy -- I do love the influence of Andy Samberg on little JT), or if it really is helpful for one's circulation to flagellate the body post-workout like all the old Asian men at the track do (seriously, they walk, and then they go into the stands and beat the hell out of themselves. My friend, married to a Canadian-Chinese man who's actually Italian, says that it is supposed to open chakras or whatever the Chinese equivalent is. I'm NOT being racist -- I'm just not Chinese, and I don't know the right word. Oh, WAIT! The word is meridian! Right? I remember! Okay, so, someone look into this and get back to me).

What else do we talk about? Omigod, not being able to sleep, why people overuse the word "gaze" in their writing, how you should NEVER overuse the word "gaze" in your writing, how _______________ the government is being this week, whether we should move to Nova Scotia because we could buy a 3000-sq. ft. house with a real yard for the cost of a bachelor condo in Vancouver. I mean, what do YOU talk about when you're exercising?

We talk about our kids. Now's the part where I tell you something clever and witty about them. As my kids are a bit older, I don't have any unfortunate barfing baby or saggy diaper stories; my blouse hasn't lately become soaked in the middle of the deli lineup from exuberant lactation when someone else's baby started crying; I didn't get into a brawl over the last parking spot at Gymboree**. There are plenty of blogs that cover this stage of life. I'm done with it. THANK PICKLES. We've moved on, to the part where my 11-year-old has decided on a career as a comedian, which means he took a "personal day" Monday to study a comedy-writing book and then walked around the house all day practicing his "material" on us while we tried to work. *pats top of blond child's head* "Funny joke, Bren. Keep working on it." YES, we let him listen to Patton Oswalt because Patton is The Master. STOP JUDGING ME. (You, in the corner ... YOU ... your kid has the sense of humor of a pond stone, so ssshhhhh and go back to coloring in the lines.) But our lad recently made the select-A soccer team again, third year running, so he's allowed to be awesome and work on his comedy. If only until we stop laughing.

And the Comedy Kid? He hates bees and balloons. And we saw both in the same place, celebrating the grand opening of a new local drugstore. THIS IS FOR YOU, BRENNAN:

Bee + balloon = Brennan bad dream.

((** I did, however, have a near smackdown with a stupid woman in a BMW SUV a few years ago. She was honking at me to go, but there were children in front of me, so go I could not or else -- vehicular homicide. I got out of my car and gave her WHAT FOR. In front of pretty much the entire high school crowd. They were laughing. So much for being badass.))

Speaking of comedy, Pretty Princess just finished her first year of college, so I've been Queen Nag: "Don't you have to work today? You know, you're not going to sit on your ass for the next four months, in jammies until 2 p.m. GO DO SOME WORK AND MAKE SOMETHING OF YOURSELF." Subtext: "Or else you will end up like your mother, fresh out of therapy, totally out of clean underwear, and still in her jammies at 2 p.m." Nah, she's all right. She didn't flunk out this first year (at least I don't think she did), her entertainment blog is almost a year old and still going strong (TrulyLuminary for you newbs), and she's been chosen for leadership training at her job. If you're ever in the area and you want to stuff a bear and buy it a matching tutu, Yaunna is the elf in the denim shirt. No, really. She's an elf. She's 19 and 4'8". ELF. And sometimes, she's an angry elf. For real. Like when she reads this blog post and realizes I'm totally making fun of her. IN THE NAME OF COMEDY.

The Angry Elf (Miles Davis, aka Peter Dinklage), before he became the Master of Coin, Tyrion Lannister.

My oldest boy is a year out from his tour in Afghanistan and finally out of the U.S. Army, now in college. I. So. Proud. Except he drinks too much (crappy) beer and worries too much about women. SON, STOP. Listen to all of us old people. There's plenty of time for carnal knowledge AFTER you have a decent-paying job, after your brain grows in, which should be at around, ohhhh, say, 28, 29? If you're lonely, get a magazine. Look, but no touch. What have I been telling you all these years? "Girls are evil." Trust Mommy. Mommy's a girl. She knows these things.

Aaaaaaand the baby ... what can be said? He started gymnastics. His hair is curlier than a freshly permed circus clown. He is too skinny but won't eat and yet still has the energy of a nuclear reactor. Poor lad is getting braces next month. He's recently learned both pages of the Legend of Zelda theme song in piano class. And he's smarter than I am.

So, for all of you wondering what writers talk about when they are not writing, YOU HAVE BEEN EDUCATED. Stunning, I know. But I received an email recently where the gal asked if I would be answering the email, or if my assistant would be. I might have choked a little on my coffee. Assistant? If you mean an overcaffeinated four-month-old kitten named Nuit, then YES, my assistant will likely answer you back. But if she's busy chasing her tail or attacking her crabby 11-year-old Maine Coon brother or the morbidly obese beagle, chances are I will be answering your email.

My assistant, beating down an unruly roll of paper towels. THANK YOU, NUIT.

SPEAKING OF: I heard from a college kid named DANIELLE the other day who was interested in Sleight's sequel because she and a few other folks are reading the original (read: self-published 2011 version) book for their college class. How ADORABLES is that?!?!? Danielle, you made my day, pretty girl. Thanks for emailing. And like I told you via email, Sleight will be all shiny and pretty. Eventually. One day. I promise. And YES, there will be a second book. Only it will be an answer to this latest version of the story, which I finished three weeks ago. Did I mention that I finished this draft three weeks ago? Just wanna make sure you heard me. (THREE WEEKS.) And no, I haven't looked at it since.

WHAT I AM READING (and have now decided that Libba Bray is a goddess):

BOOKS BOUGHT THESE LAST FEW WEEKS, for myself and the kids:

And Kendi & I are reading this one right now:

Gaiman's name starts with a G, just like GENIUS.

Any Game of Thrones fans here? DID YOU WATCH THIS WEEK'S EPISODE? Holy Mother of Dragons! God, I am so in love with Khaleesi. #girlcrush

And THIS is the best SomeEcard I've seen in MONTHS:

No, seriously. SO happy.

And what Jenn post would be finished without a dedication to The Man of My Fanciful NSFW Dreams, Mr. MarkStrong, WHO, BTW, has a new series coming out on AMC this summer (after Breaking Bad) called Low Winter Sun. And because I really have nothing better to do (cough cough), Yaunna showed me the magic of Tumblr, how, if you put your search terms into the magic magnifying glass box, you can find All the Pictures of MarkStrong. I might need an intervention. But not yet. Give me a few more minutes. (P.S. When you guys read the newest version of Sleight, this obsession will become crystal clear.)

Thank you, House Elf, for making this pretty banner for Mommy. Ssshhh, don't tell Daddy.

Be safety, and have a grand week. Or month. Please do comment and let me know what you're reading. I AM SO LONELY HERE ALL BY MYSELF WITH ONLY PICTURES OF CHEERIOS AND MARK STRONG.

Xs and Os ...

P.S. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SHAKESPEARE! He turned 449 yesterday. I ate ice cream. Don't worry -- I ate enough for you too.

This Mick Is Sadly Sober Today. Oh, and Nuit and Mark Strong.

Happy St. Patrick's Day! I'm Scotch Irish, so I should be a'celebratin'. Alas, I am not. I am working. On a book. That you will get to read. Eventually. I PROMISE.

In the meantime, here's Nuit. ISN'T SHE GORGEOUS?!?!? Yes, I've become one of those people who posts pictures of her animals. But only because she's so ridiculously awesome.

In other news, this week, my good friend Heather Hildenbrand released a terrific new book about clones. It's a keeper. Called Imitation: Book 1 of the Clone Chronicles, you can find it here (Amazon):

I am an avid fan of Laini Taylor (Daughter of Smoke and Bone, Days of Blood and Starlight, among others), and recently on her blog, she wrote about a 33-year-old writer and librarian who tragically succumbed to colon cancer before her book was released. SO SAD. Bridget Zinn's debut novel, Poison, looks fantastic. It released this week, without its mommy here to welcome it. Go show some love. 

Available at Powell's Books, Barnes & Noble, Amazon, and Indie Bound. Available in Canada on March 19 via Chapters Indigo. Go forth. Get some poison in your life.

If you've followed me for any length of time, you know I might be a wee bit in love with a certain British thespian (*cough* MARK STRONG *cough*), which is why I will spend a dreary Saturday night watching and re-watching every film that holds his name in its credits (Body of Lies, Stardust, Robin Hood, Kick-Ass ... you name it, I slobber over it. Yes, I even suffered through John Carter, The Green Lantern, and The Eagle, just to show my allegiance). Buying Zero Dark Thirty when it releases this Tuesday. Here. In case you don't know:

I learned this week that my darling Mr. Strong is starring alongside another delightful, delicious hunk of cinematic man meat, James McAvoy, in Welcome to the Punch. OMIGOD IT LOOKS SO GOOD. Check out the trailer on YouTube HERE. And now I give you screen shots from the trailer, just because me likey so me has to share.

Thing is, if you've read the earlier version of Sleight -- or if you're eagerly anticipating (lie to me and say you are) the impending new version ... Mark Strong is Lucian Dmitri. He's perfect. I've written every line with him plastered all over my brain. I've not been successful in dream-casting other characters -- but this one has become an obsession.

O.B.S.E.S.S.I.O.N.

He is perfect. I can't wait to show you why. Neither can my husband. Then maybe I'll stop talking about Mark Strong as if he were coming for dinner tonight. (Omigod, I would DIE. I have to go do 10,000 sit-ups and get my roots dyed, JUST IN CASE.)

NOW, time to behave. My kids are home for seventeen days on spring break because our school district has the budgetary management skills of a pubescent girl with Daddy's credit card in a new H&M store, so yeah ... kids get lots of days off because the school board can't handle their pennies. Which means, the children, they are home. Which means there will be a lot of me raving about why am I the only person who knows how to use the washing machine and why can't you guys get your own lunch what am I a short-order cook and you people just don't understand the creative genius within. Which also means my post after the break will likely be pretty manic. You've been warned.

COMMENT BELOW AND TELL ME WHAT YOU'RE READING. I've chewed through about 60 percent of The Madman's Daughter. Enjoying it. Lots of tension. Splendid.

Oh, and I need good pictures of crows. Any artists out there? Maybe I'll do a contest one of these days for the coolest crow drawing. To wrap around my wrist. Like a bracelet. Momma needs a new tattoo.

Xs and Os, lovelies ...

Most Excellent Summary of Awesome Books: Middle Grade and YA

Every once in a while, I am compelled to share what marvelous delights I have found at the bookstore. YES, I know. I spend too much time/money at the Place of Grand Fun & Fancy and on the treasures stored within, but buildings that house books are IMPORTANT to me, and I fear, just as record stores have seen happen as of late, and given the scuttlebutt about Barnes & Noble closing stores in the US, bookstores could be going the way of the dodo. I don't know what I will do if that happens. Please, book gods, make it not be so. 

I've been on a middle grade kick recently, mostly because my eight-year-old is a voracious reader who consumes the words like a parched fox in the desert. (Do parched foxes eat words?) While the eleven-year-old is on a Darren Shan kick, his younger brother still enjoys the flights of fancy in the explosion of fantasy offerings to hit shelves. Here is just a sampling of what we've picked up in the last wee bit (all summaries from Goodreads).

(Forgive any weird formatting. Blogger hates me today.)

Savvy by Ingrid Law: 

For generations, the Beaumont family has harbored a magical secret. They each possess a "savvy" -a special supernatural power that strikes when they turn thirteen. Grandpa Bomba moves mountains, her older brothers create hurricanes and spark electricity . . . and now it's the eve of Mibs's big day.

As if waiting weren't hard enough, the family gets scary news two days before Mibs's birthday: Poppa has been in a terrible accident. Mibs develops the singular mission to get to the hospital and prove that her new power can save her dad. So she sneaks onto a salesman's bus . . . only to find the bus heading in the opposite direction. Suddenly Mibs finds herself on an unforgettable odyssey that will force her to make sense of growing up-and of other people, who might also have a few secrets hidden just beneath the skin.

[I'm reading Savvy right now, at the recommendation of my agent who also represents Law and brokered the sale for Savvy, a Newbery Honor Book. It's delightful, and I'm tearing through the last 40 pages. Fantastic!]

The sequel, Scumble, also looks charming: 

Nine years after Mibs's Savvy journey, her cousin Ledge has just turned thirteen . . . But Ledger Kale's savvy is a total dud-all he does is make little things fall apart. So his parents decide it's safe to head to Wyoming, where it's soon revealed that Ledge's savvy is much more powerful than anyone thought. Worse, his savvy disaster has an outside witness: Sarah Jane Cabot, reporter wannabe and daughter of the local banker. Just like that, Ledge's beloved normal life is over. Now he has to keep Sarah from turning family secrets into headlines, stop her father from foreclosing on Uncle Autry's ranch, and scumble his savvy into control so that, someday, he can go home.

Starring a cast both fresh and familiar, Scumble brilliantly melds Ingrid Law's signature heart and humor with the legendary Wild West.

Liesl & Po, by Lauren Oliver [I just finished this one -- it is haunting and adorable and poetic and I loved it. Oliver is also a YA writer (Delirium is a popular series), but I quite like her middle grade voice. The paperback cover is green, a little different than this, the hardcover.]

Liesl lives in a tiny attic bedroom, locked away by her cruel stepmother. Her only friends are the shadows and the mice,until one night a ghost appears from the darkness. It is Po, who comes from the Other Side. Both Liesl and Po are lonely, but together they are less alone.

That same night, an alchemist's apprentice, Will, bungles an important delivery. He accidentally switches a box containing the most powerful magic in the world with one containing something decidedly less remarkable.

Will's mistake has tremendous consequences for Liesl and Po, and it draws the three of them together on an extraordinary journey.

From New York Times bestselling author Lauren Oliver comes a luminous and magnificent novel that glows with rare magic, ghostly wonders, and a true friendship that lights even the darkest of places.

Wonder, by R. J. Palacio

August (Auggie) Pullman was born with a facial deformity that prevented him from going to a mainstream school—until now. He's about to start 5th grade at Beecher Prep, and if you've ever been the new kid then you know how hard that can be. The thing is Auggie's just an ordinary kid, with an extraordinary face. But can he convince his new classmates that he's just like them, despite appearances?

R. J. Palacio has written a spare, warm, uplifting story that will have readers laughing one minute and wiping away tears the next. With wonderfully realistic family interactions (flawed, but loving), lively school scenes, and short chapters, Wonder is accessible to readers of all levels.

When You Reach Me, by Rebecca Stead [Daniel the agent also says anything by Stead is a worthy expenditure of your time!]

Winner of the 2010 John Newbery Medal

Four mysterious letters change Miranda’s world forever.

By sixth grade, Miranda and her best friend, Sal, know how to navigate their New York City neighborhood. They know where it’s safe to go, like the local grocery store, and they know whom to avoid, like the crazy guy on the corner.

But things start to unravel. Sal gets punched by a new kid for what seems like no reason, and he shuts Miranda out of his life. The apartment key that Miranda’s mom keeps hidden for emergencies is stolen. And then Miranda finds a mysterious note scrawled on a tiny slip of paper: 

I am coming to save your friend’s life, and my own. 

I must ask two favors. First, you must write me a letter.

The notes keep coming, and Miranda slowly realizes that whoever is leaving them knows all about her, including things that have not even happened yet. Each message brings her closer to believing that only she can prevent a tragic death. Until the final note makes her think she’s too late.

The Cavenish Home for Boys and Girls, by Claire Legrand [Claire has an awesome blog -- she's quite witty! Addendum: Claire runs a middle grade short story blog called the Cabinet of Curiosities, alongside three other MG writers (including Stefan Bachmann, whose book The Peculiar is featured below. Check it out!]

At the Cavendish Home for Boys and Girls, you will definitely learn your lesson. A dark, timeless, and heartfelt novel for fans of Coraline and The Mysterious Benedict Society.

Victoria hates nonsense. There is no need for it when your life is perfect. The only smudge on her pristine life is her best friend Lawrence. He is a disaster—lazy and dreamy, shirt always untucked, obsessed with his silly piano. Victoria often wonders why she ever bothered being his friend. (Lawrence does too.)

But then Lawrence goes missing. And he’s not the only one. Victoria soon discovers that The Cavendish Home for Boys and Girls is not what it appears to be. Kids go in but come out…different. Or they don’t come out at all.

If anyone can sort this out, it’s Victoria—even if it means getting a little messy.

The Mysterious Benedict Society, by Trenton Lee Stewart

"Are you a gifted child looking for special opportunities?" ad attracts dozens for mind-bending tests readers may try. Only two boys and two girls succeed for a secret mission, undercover and underground into hidden tunnels. At the Learning Institute for the Very Enlightened, the only rule is - there are no rules.

Breadcrumbs, by Anne Ursu [Another Daniel recommendation]

Once upon a time, Hazel and Jack were best friends. They had been best friends since they were six, spending hot Minneapolis summers and cold Minneapolis winters together, dreaming of Hogwarts and Oz, superheroes and baseball. Now that they were eleven, it was weird for a boy and a girl to be best friends. But they couldn't help it - Hazel and Jack fit, in that way you only read about in books. And they didn't fit anywhere else. 

And then, one day, it was over. Jack just stopped talking to Hazel. And while her mom tried to tell her that this sometimes happens to boys and girls at this age, Hazel had read enough stories to know that it's never that simple. And it turns out, she was right. Jack's heart had been frozen, and he was taken into the woods by a woman dressed in white to live in a palace made of ice. Now, it's up to Hazel to venture into the woods after him. Hazel finds, however, that these woods are nothing like what she's read about, and the Jack that Hazel went in to save isn't the same Jack that will emerge. Or even the same Hazel.

Inspired by Hans Christian Andersen's "The Snow Queen," Breadcrumbsis a story of the struggle to hold on, and the things we leave behind.

The Apothecary, by Maile Meloy

It’s 1952 and the Scott family has just moved from Los Angeles to London. Here, fourteen-year-old Janie meets a mysterious apothecary and his son, Benjamin Burrows—a fascinating boy who’s not afraid to stand up to authority and dreams of becoming a spy. When Benjamin’s father is kidnapped, Janie and Benjamin must uncover the secrets of the apothecary’s sacred book, the Pharmacopoeia, in order to find him, all while keeping it out of the hands of their enemies—Russian spies in possession of nuclear weapons. Discovering and testing potions they never believed could exist, Janie and Benjamin embark on a dangerous race to save the apothecary and prevent impending disaster.

The Girl Who Could Fly, by Victoria Forester [The Canadian cover is a little different.] 

When homeschooled farm girl Piper McCloud reveals her ability to fly, she is quickly taken to a secret government facility to be trained with other exceptional children, but she soon realizes that something is very wrong and begins working with brilliant and wealthy Conrad to escape.

"Piper decided to jump off the roof. It wasn't a rash decision on her part. This was her plan: Climb to the top of the roof, pick up speed by running from one end all the way to the other. Jump off. Finally, and most importantly, don't fall. She didn't make plans in the event she did fall, because if you jump off the roof of your house and land on your head, you really don't need any plans from that point on. Even Piper knew that. So that's what she did. She jumped clean off her roof. But before we get to what happens next, you'll probably need to know a thing or two about a thing or two..."

Jacob Wonderbar and the Cosmic Space Kapow, by Nathan Bransford [Bransford is a former high-powered literary agent with a fantastic lit-centric blog you MUST follow if you're a writer type. OH, and Jacob Wonderbar already has two sequels out, so if your kid likes it, there's no waiting for the follow-up books!]

Jacob Wonderbar is used to detentions, but when a spaceship crashes near his house, he finds himself in a whole new level of trouble. After swapping a corn dog for the ship, he and his two best friends, Sarah Daisy and Dexter, take off on a madcap adventure. They accidentally cause an epic explosion, get kidnapped by a space pirate, and are marooned on planets like Numonia and Paisley, where the air smells like burp breath and revenge-hungry substitute teachers rule. And that's only the beginning . . . It turns out that there's an entire colony of space humans, and Jacob's long-lost father just might be one of them.

The first book in debut author Nathan Bransford's hilarious space adventure series has dynamite friendships, peculiar planets, and nonstop action. You'll never look at the stars the same way!

THESE are on my To-Buy list (it is so, so long ...):

Beholding Bee, by Kimberly Newton Fusco

Bee is an orphan who lives with a carnival and sleeps in the back of a tractor trailer. Every day she endures taunts for the birthmark on her face-though her beloved Pauline, the only person who has ever cared for her, tells her it is a precious diamond. When Pauline is sent to work for another carnival, Bee is lost.

Then a scruffy dog shows up, as unwanted as she, and Bee realizes that she must find a home for them both. She runs off to a house with gingerbread trim that reminds her of frosting. There two mysterious women, Mrs. Swift and Mrs. Potter, take her in. They clothe her, though their clothes are strangely out of date. They feed her, though there is nothing in their house to eat. They help her go to school, though they won''t enter the building themselves. And, strangely, only Bee seems able to see them.

Whoever these women are, they matter. They matter to Bee. And they are helping Bee realize that she, too, matters to the world--if only she will let herself be a part of it.

This tender novel beautifully captures the pain of isolation, the healing power of community, and the strength of the human spirit.

The Spindlers, by Lauren Oliver [Again, because I enjoyed Oliver's Liesl & Po so much, I can't wait to get my hands on this one too!]

One night when Liza went to bed, Patrick was her chubby, stubby, candy-grubbing and pancake-loving younger brother, who irritated and amused her both, and the next morning, when she woke up, he was not. In fact, he was quite, quite different.

When Liza's brother, Patrick, changes overnight, Liza knows exactly what has happened: The spindlers have gotten to him and stolen his soul.

She knows, too, that she is the only one who can save him.

To rescue Patrick, Liza must go Below, armed with little more than her wits and a broom. There, she uncovers a vast world populated with talking rats, music-loving moles, greedy troglods, and overexcitable nids . . . as well as terrible dangers. But she will face her greatest challenge at the spindlers' nests, where she encounters the evil queen and must pass a series of deadly tests--or else her soul, too, will remain Below forever.

From New York Times best-selling author Lauren Oliver comes a bewitching story about the reaches of loyalty, the meaning of love, and the enduring power of hope.

The Peculiar, by Stefan Bachmann

Don't get yourself noticed and you won't get yourself hanged.

In the faery slums of Bath, Bartholomew Kettle and his sister Hettie live by these words. Bartholomew and Hettie are changelings-Peculiars-and neither faeries nor humans want anything to do with them.

One day a mysterious lady in a plum-colored dress comes gliding down Old Crow Alley. Bartholomew watches her through his window. Who is she? What does she want? And when Bartholomew witnesses the lady whisking away, in a whirling ring of feathers, the boy who lives across the alley-Bartholomew forgets the rules and gets himself noticed.

First he''s noticed by the lady in plum herself, then by something darkly magical and mysterious, by Jack Box and the Raggedy Man, by the powerful Mr. Lickerish . . .and by Arthur Jelliby, a young man trying to slip through the world unnoticed, too, and who, against all odds, offers Bartholomew friendship and a way to belong.

Part murder mystery, part gothic fantasy, part steampunk adventure, The Peculiar is Stefan Bachmann's riveting, inventive, and unforgettable debut novel.

Brother From a Box, by Evan Kuhlman

One new brother—assembly required. From the author of The Last Invisible Boy.

Matt Rambeau is officially a big brother—to a robot! Matt’s super-computer-genius dad is always getting cool tech stuff in the mail, but the latest box Matt opens contains the most impressive thing he’s ever seen: a bionically modified lifeform that looks human and calls Matt “brother” (in French)!

Norman turns out to be a bit of an attention hog and a showoff, but Matt’s still psyched to have a robotic sibling—even if he flirts with (ugh) girls. Then strange things start to happen. First a computer worm causes Norman to go berserk, and then odd men start showing up in unusual places. Matt soon realizes that someone is trying to steal the robot—correction—his brother!

In this zany, action-packed story with spies, skateboards, and plenty of artificial intelligence, acclaimed author Evan Kuhlman gets to the heart (and motherboard) of one of the most special relationships known to man (or machine): brotherhood.

Hokey Pokey, by Jerry Spinelli [Spinelli is a prolific writer with lots to choose from across the middle grade and YA genres.]

Welcome to Hokey Pokey. A place and a time, when childhood is at its best: games to play, bikes to ride, experiences to be had. There are no adults in Hokey Pokey, just kids, and the laws governing Hokey Pokey are simple and finite. But when one of the biggest kids, Jack, has his beloved bike stolen—and by a girl, no less—his entire world, and the world of Hokey Pokey, turns to chaos. Without his bike, Jack feels like everything has started to go wrong. He feels different, not like himself, and he knows something is about to change. And even more troubling he alone hears a faint train whistle. But that's impossible: every kid knows there no trains in Hokey Pokey, only tracks.

Master storyteller Jerry Spinelli has written a dizzingly inventive fable of growing up and letting go, of leaving childhood and its imagination play behind for the more dazzling adventures of adolescence, and of learning to accept not only the sunny part of day, but the unwelcome arrival of night, as well.

As for YA (young adult) titles, I just got these two:

The Beginning of After, by Jennifer Castle [I'm friends with Ms. Castle on FB, and she's lovely!]

Anyone who's had something truly crappy happen to them will tell you: It's all about Before and After. What I'm talking about here is the ka-pow, shake-you-to-your-core-and-turn-your-bones-to-plastic kind of crappy.

Sixteen-year-old Laurel's world changes instantly when her parents and brother are killed in a terrible car accident. Behind the wheel is the father of her bad-boy neighbor, David Kaufman, whose mother is also killed. In the aftermath of the tragedy, Laurel navigates a new reality in which she and her best friend grow apart, boys may or may not be approaching her out of pity, overpowering memories lurk everywhere, and Mr. Kaufman is comatose but still very much alive. Through it all there is David, who swoops in and out of Laurel's life and to whom she finds herself attracted against her better judgment. She will forever be connected to him by their mutual loss--a connection that will change them both in unexpected ways.

Jennifer Castle's debut novel is a heart-wrenching, surprisingly witty testament to how drastically life can change in the span of a single moment.

The Madman's Daughter, by Megan Shepherd [SO excited to read this one!!! Sounds crazy good!]

In the darkest places, even love is deadly.

Sixteen-year-old Juliet Moreau has built a life for herself in London—working as a maid, attending church on Sundays, and trying not to think about the scandal that ruined her life. After all, no one ever proved the rumors about her father's gruesome experiments. But when she learns he is alive and continuing his work on a remote tropical island, she is determined to find out if the accusations are true.

Accompanied by her father's handsome young assistant, Montgomery, and an enigmatic castaway, Edward—both of whom she is deeply drawn to—Juliet travels to the island, only to discover the depths of her father's madness: He has experimented on animals so that they resemble, speak, and behave as humans. And worse, one of the creatures has turned violent and is killing the island's inhabitants. Torn between horror and scientific curiosity, Juliet knows she must end her father's dangerous experiments and escape her jungle prison before it's too late. Yet as the island falls into chaos, she discovers the extent of her father's genius—and madness—in her own blood.

Inspired by H. G. Wells's classic The Island of Dr. Moreau, The Madman's Daughter is a dark and breathless Gothic thriller about the secrets we'll do anything to know and the truths we'll go to any lengths to protect.

And I'm looking forward to getting my hands on these:

City of Dark Magic, by Magnus Flyte

Cosmically fast-paced and wildly imaginative, this debut novel is a perfect potion of magic and suspense

Once a city of enormous wealth and culture, Prague was home to emperors, alchemists, astronomers, and, as it’s whispered, hell portals. When music student Sarah Weston lands a summer job at Prague Castle cataloging Beethoven’s manuscripts, she has no idea how dangerous her life is about to become. Prague is a threshold, Sarah is warned, and it is steeped in blood.

Soon after Sarah arrives, strange things begin to happen. She learns that her mentor, who was working at the castle, may not have committed suicide after all. Could his cryptic notes be warnings? As Sarah parses his clues about Beethoven’s “Immortal Beloved,” she manages to get arrested, to have tantric sex in a public fountain, and to discover a time-warping drug. She also catches the attention of a four-hundred-year-old dwarf, the handsome Prince Max, and a powerful U.S. senator with secrets she will do anything to hide.

City of Dark Magic could be called a rom-com paranormal suspense novel—or it could simply be called one of the most entertaining novels of the year.

Invisibility, by Andrea Cremer and David Levithan -- not released until May [My draw to this title is Levithan. TOTAL fan girl here.]

Stephen has been invisible for practically his whole life — because of a curse his grandfather, a powerful cursecaster, bestowed on Stephen’s mother before Stephen was born. So when Elizabeth moves to Stephen’s NYC apartment building from Minnesota, no one is more surprised than he is that she can see him. A budding romance ensues, and when Stephen confides in Elizabeth about his predicament, the two of them decide to dive headfirst into the secret world of cursecasters and spellseekers to figure out a way to break the curse. 

But things don’t go as planned, especially when Stephen’s grandfather arrives in town, taking his anger out on everyone he sees. In the end, Elizabeth and Stephen must decide how big of a sacrifice they’re willing to make for Stephen to become visible — because the answer could mean the difference between life and death. At least for Elizabeth.

Game (Jasper Dent #2), by Barry Lyga -- not available until April 16 [Ahhhh! If you haven't read I Hunt Killers, you're missing out. Gripping! Hurry!]

I Hunt Killers introduced the world to Jasper (Jazz) Dent, the son of the world's most infamous serial killer.

When a desperate New York City detective comes knocking on Jazz's door asking for help with a new case, Jazz can't say no. The Hat-Dog Killer has the Big Apple--and its police force running scared with no leads. So Jazz and his girlfriend Connie hop on a plane to the big city and get swept up in a killer's murderous game.

Meanwhile, Jazz's dad Billy is watching...and waiting.

Your turn! What are you reading?

Xs and Os, lovelies ...